D’you know what? I’m sick to death (not literally, luckily) of cancer. I’m bored of talking about cancer and thinking about cancer. I’m fed up of having cancer, going through the treatment, having the side effects of the treatment and recovering from surgery.
I may have got through chemo and more than half of the surgery, but I’m exhausted at the thought of radiotherapy, and getting quite pissed off at the amount of time having cancer is taking out of my weeks, months and year. There is so much treatment and so many scans, hospital appointments and drugs to come, and I’m over it, girlfriend.
I want my life back, and it’s becoming perfectly clear that that simply isn’t going to be possible for a while. For the first time since being diagnosed, I am feeling quite pissed off about the whole thing. Angry, even. Resentful, definitely. This doesn’t feel good.
So I’m taking a break from blogging for a while, because I’m feeling too negative and frustrated to be, as many of you have been kind enough to suggest, inspiring. I’ve lost sight of the bigger picture, and the sunny view a long way ahead, and have stalled down a muddy track trying to find my way out of the suburbs of Cancerville. I thought I’d be feeling elated at this point on my ‘journey’, but actually I’m just knackered and stroppy about this entire sodding situation.
It will probably be a ‘Stephen Fry leaves Twitter’ sort of a break, ie five minutes, because I’ve still got loads of interesting stuff I want to tell you about, not least the Pinchy family’s adventures in going dairy-free. I’ve already missed the boat on lovely, happy, family things like Easter (multiple, very quick egg hunts in tropical heat! A maxi dress instead of choccy!) and the Royal Wedding (the marvellousness of watching a princess being made with DD, and waaay too much champagne), and I don’t just want to be that woman who writes about cancer.
Also, I know there’s nothing more boring than someone whingeing and wittering on about their problems, and health problems are the dullest of all (don’t get me started on hot flushes), so I’m ducking out until I’ve perked up a bit and got the old Pinchymobile revved up again.
Au revoir, my trusty travelling companions. I’ll be back as soon as I can get out of this ditch. Shouldn’t take long.