A small hiatus

D’you know what? I’m sick to death (not literally, luckily) of cancer. I’m bored of talking about cancer and thinking about cancer. I’m fed up of having cancer, going through the treatment, having the side effects of the treatment and recovering from surgery.

I may have got through chemo and more than half of the surgery, but I’m exhausted at the thought of radiotherapy, and getting quite pissed off at the amount of time having cancer is taking out of my weeks, months and year. There is so much treatment and so many scans, hospital appointments and drugs to come, and I’m over it, girlfriend.

I want my life back, and it’s becoming perfectly clear that that simply isn’t going to be possible for a while. For the first time since being diagnosed, I am feeling quite pissed off about the whole thing. Angry, even. Resentful, definitely. This doesn’t feel good.

So I’m taking a break from blogging for a while, because I’m feeling too negative and frustrated to be, as many of you have been kind enough to suggest, inspiring. I’ve lost sight of the bigger picture, and the sunny view a long way ahead, and have stalled down a muddy track trying to find my way out of the suburbs of Cancerville. I thought I’d be feeling elated at this point on my ‘journey’, but actually I’m just knackered and stroppy about this entire sodding situation.

It will probably be a ‘Stephen Fry leaves Twitter’ sort of a break, ie five minutes, because I’ve still got loads of interesting stuff I want to tell you about, not least the Pinchy family’s adventures in going dairy-free. I’ve already missed the boat on lovely, happy, family things like Easter (multiple, very quick egg hunts in tropical heat! A maxi dress instead of choccy!) and the Royal Wedding (the marvellousness of watching a princess being made with DD, and waaay too much champagne), and I don’t just want to be that woman who writes about cancer.

What DH thinks the Pinchymobile should look like...

Also, I know there’s nothing more boring than someone whingeing and wittering on about their problems, and health problems are the dullest of all (don’t get me started on hot flushes), so I’m ducking out until I’ve perked up a bit and got the old Pinchymobile revved up again.

 Au revoir, my trusty travelling companions. I’ll be back as soon as I can get out of this ditch. Shouldn’t take long.

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15 thoughts on “A small hiatus

  1. Have a good break,Pinchy!!

    And get a FIGARO!!!!! My dream car – I can live vicariously (I’m not allowed one with the kids… not as safe as my Land Rover, blah blah!)

  2. Love the pinchymobile! See when you’re back! Have lots of fun adventures and enjoyment in the coming months! Wine, chocolate, bad films, worse 1980/90s songs to dance and sing to, fun, sun, giggles, tickles, love and companionship all help!! Sod Cancer!

    Big hugs!

  3. Val Grainger says:

    I know where you are at….I’m only a step ahead of you….and what you need is to have some fun, we just cannot be inspirational all the time…..well I can’t! But we can have a laugh, have some fun, get away from the crap, chill out and just ….be normal. So remember this is just a blip in your life….but also something that will let you see life with totally new eyes…..and do some amazing things you would never normally have done…..
    and I will love and leave you, a person I don’t know and have only met in the cyber world through this shitty situation with this quote…
    ” what is it you are going to do with your one wild and precious life?”

  4. Dear Pinchy
    Totally understandable sentiments – although I’m sure your readers understand that ‘you are not your illness’.
    You don’t need to be inspirational – feelings of pant-wetting fear and despair are honest emotions – and are just as valid. Enjoy the quiet times – but know that there are plenty of online friends to help you out of that ditch, should you need them.

  5. Absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break. Just remember to come back as we do care and would like to know how you’re getting on. Yours was the first (& favourite) blog I found after my cancer diagnosis and, like the Beeb, found it entertaining, educational and informative, with plenty of emphasis on the entertaining part. 🙂 I’ve just travelled my usual 1hr flight to the mainland today for my 2nd chemo tomorrow, shaved my head a few days ago & got my wig today! By the way, tell DH he’s got good taste in cars. I’ve had my Figgy for a year. She’s in light green and is great fun with the top down!! Hope you get one! I can point you in the direction of a great bloke who sells them if need be, really knows his stuff and is hugely respected on Figaro forums. Hope you feel better soon. xx

  6. feistybluegecko says:

    Please don’t feel you have to take a break because of the grumps – it is part of the whole (wretched) process. Physical and emotional exhaustion and the enormity of the whole thing land on you sometimes, and it is entirely natural to feel rotten. I remember going through a mega grump last year, i had finished the triathlon (mastectomy, chemo x8 and radiation) and after a break back in the UK to see family I returned to work – after a 9 month break from physically being in the office. (I had been working form home as the office was crowded and risk of infection very high). So you can imagine how I felt when less than 2 weeks after starting to pick up the pieces again I developed shingles! I was SO cross, I swore at cancer, shingles and anything in sight! It passed, and so did the shingles, and it is now approaching a year from then (to my amazement).

    So please, don’t feel you have to disappear and not can’t express your frustrations and emotions.
    Big virtual hugs
    P
    xx

    • SO reassuring to hear from you that I’m not the only one! I thought I’d be enjoying every second of my new lease of life, but I’m just feeling really negative, which isn’t like me at all. I need to take action…Thanks so much for posting. xxx

  7. Kim Crawley says:

    Loved reading all your inspirational words, it’s a rollercoaster ride this cancer lark but you will come back fighting! Sending u a hug. Xxxx

  8. fiona says:

    i dont know you but i do care about you and hope you will continue the good fight and if are feeling pissed off, so be it. good thoughts coming your way and sit back and try and enjoy the little good things and when you are feeling good again, (hopefully soon), you will see this as a blip! keep fighting xx

  9. Natalie says:

    Hey gorgeous,
    You are always an inspiration. A day with you, no matter what, and I feel I can do anything because you believe in me. The same as I believe in you.
    Maja, give yourself a break lovely, its ok to rest a while. Really.
    Its gone.
    Its gone.
    And you used every ounce of pinchyness to zap it.
    So no wonder youre knackered.
    But you remain amazing.
    Hugs and love xx

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